Feeling ON is so much better than Feeling OFF!

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Here's a list I wrote several years ago.  It describes what feeling off is like and what feeling on is like.  I'm sure this could apply to a myriad of other mental illnesses, like ADHD, generalized anxiety, etc.


FEELING OFF (not well)
Paranoid Thinking
Difficulty in Making Fast Decisions
Inability to Detect Subtleties (jokes, nuances, sarcasm etc)
Increase in number of errors (when working)
Anxiety - flushing, sweating, nervousness
Impatience
Frustration
Sensory Overload - Flourescent lights bothersome
Weird Feeling
Dazed Feeling
Out-of-it Feeling

FEELING ON
Clear-Minded
Good Memory
Efficient
Good Decision Making
Sure of Myself
Fast Thinking (at a normal pace for me, though)

I think at the time when I wrote this, I wasn't taking any medicine.  I was going through a period of "See, I don't need medicine!"  I was med free and proud of it.  Now I am medicated and happy about it. Times change.  I can tell you that I now spend way less time feeling off.

I know that the feeling off list doesn't exactly read like a list of Bipolar Disorder symptoms.  I think that's because I was having anxiety too.  Also, the in-the-moment sensory experience of being in a hypomanic or depressed mood doesn't exactly read like a list out of the DSM manual.  There's a difference between the internal experience and the external view of what's going on.  

Natural Light Keeping the Blues Away! (January Update on my Mood)

This blog needs an update.  I've gotten sidetracked lately.

About a month ago, I started using a new light by my desk to help improve my mood.  It seems to be working.  I had some bouts of depression before getting the light, but since using it every day, my depression has stayed away almost entirely.

Of course, this is a subjective experience that could be attributed to other things, but the results seem good to me.  I'm still having some of the same stressors, still not getting much outdoor light, and yet my mood is improved.

I am using a Verilux Original Natural Spectrum Deluxe Clamp Lamp.  It's not a special mood light, but I believe the bulb it uses is the same one that is in some of the mood lights.  I use it throughout the day. It sits above my head but off to the side some, and is attached to my computer desk. This way I just do my normal computer work and get the light at the same time.

To sum up, this is what I've been doing to try to keep my mood stable:

- Lithium Orotate, 20 mg a day total (half in the morning, half in the evening)
- Zinc 25mg, taken in the morning

At lunch time, I take chromium to help with my blood sugar levels, plus a multivitamin and vitamin C. These may be helping my mood too.

I used to try to walk every day but I haven't been doing that lately because of foot pain.

I have had an excellent January mood wise. My mood has been pretty stable and I've been productive, except for about 3 days out of this week because I had some cold virus making me dizzy :(

I am also taking Manganese 10mg but this is to prevent tinnitus and I don't think it has any effect on mood - but who knows :)  I guess the good mood could be from that instead, although I started taking that in mid-December, and shortly thereafter my mood was down. So I don't think that's helping my mood unless it just takes a long time to start working.

Whatever I'm doing, it's working!  I have been thinking very positively lately, but not noticeable hypomanic. My thinking seems correct.

I am up in the middle of the night but I think that's because of having a cold virus. I've been getting tired in the evening and sleeping in the evening, then waking up in the middle of the night for awhile, and then going back to sleep.

I also should mention that I am taking piracetam and phenibut occasionally. The piracetam to help with brain function. The phenibut to help with sleep.

The Piracetam helps with many mental functions, but the most measurable one is how fast I can recall the answers when I watch Jeopardy!  I definitely get more answers correct when I take it.

Anti-Medication or Pro-Medication?

A number of years ago, I went to a mental illness support group meeting.  I enjoyed the meeting.  However, a group of people there were passionately anti-medication.  At the time, I was taking Seroquel and it was helping me immensely.  That was a strange situation to be in.

The impression I got from most of the anti-medication people is that they were against medication because of their personal negative experience with it. The reasons and experiences varied from forced medication to negative side effects.  Actually, forced medication during hospital stays is what I remember being discussed the most.

It's not that I think all medications are great.  They can be dangerous.  I've had some negative experiences.  Topamax triggered a small seizure in me.  Geodon made me feel physically ill.  Celexa made my moods worse.  That last one isn't a surprise, because an antidepressant alone can be really de-stabalizing for someone with bipolar disorder.  That's more the fault of my really stupid psychiatrist than the medication.

Seroquel may have caused some lasting problems with me.  I have hypoglycemia.  I may have had it before the Seroquel.  It may have made it worse, or perhaps that's just something that would have happened anyway. Who knows.

The difference, I think, between me and those who are anti-medication, is that I found a medication that helps, and every day I decide that I want to take it. I don't have to take it, but if I do, my life is better.  (Currently, that medication is lithium orotate.)

I don't think there should be two groups of people, those who are pro-med and those who are anti-med. It's just not black and white.  What's good for me probably isn't good for you, although it might be.

My Experience with Lithium

What a relief medication can be.

Thank God for Lithium and Zinc (Medication Update)

I've been taking zinc for about 6 weeks and it has greatly reduced my depression.  I'd say it's been eliminated.  I wrote about zinc for treating depression here.  Let's hope that the zinc keeps working.

I am also taking lithium orotate, which I've been taking for so many years that I've lost track (I'd estimate 4 years).

I still have occasional anxiety and moodiness. I recently lowered my lithium dosage by 1/2 pill (from 4 pills to 3.5) and I do have more symptoms with the lower dosage, but so far it is manageable.  My mood changes are faster and stronger with the lowered dosage, but the trade off is a more dynamic range of feelings.  I think.  It's too early to tell for sure if I'll stick at the lowered dosage or not.  If my stress increases, I may go back up to the 4 pills.

Mood-wise, life is good. Yay!

Zinc for Bipolar Disorder Depression?

When I was in college and having a lot of trouble with Bipolar disorder, I saw several different psychiatrists.

One of the stranger psychiatrists that I saw believed in a holistic approach, and in addition to medications, recommended that I take a zinc supplement.  I believe it also had copper in it, but my memory is a bit hazy.

I took the supplement for awhile, but didn't really believe in it, and my symptoms were pretty strong at the time, so my focus was on taking some pretty strong medication. Whether the zinc did anything for me then, I couldn't tell.

Well, fast forward to today.  I've been taking zinc for the last week because I have a cold.  Without a doubt, zinc helps sore throats, and since I've been having a little bit of a sore throat and eustachian tube soreness, I've been trying to take zinc to help fight it off. I am also taking garlic and vitamin A.  This regimen comes from past experience and is relatively cheap.

So my cold is staying on the mild side, and I'm hoping that it doesn't progress into a big infection.  At the same time, while I've been taking this zinc, my mood has been staying really smooth.  Is there a connection?  I don't know, but maybe I'll keep taking it even after the cold passes.  Maybe my strange psychiatrist knew what he was prescribing :)

One thing to be aware of, is that taking too much zinc can be bad for you.  Here's some basic information on what you need to know about taking zinc.  I see that website says that the upper dose for zinc should only be 40mg for people my age. Oddly, that contradicts the guidelines on my bottle of Zinc Lozenges (it says no more than 138mg in 24 hours). Other places I've read no more than 100mg or 125mg, or that it depends on your body weight.  It seems that taking the lowest amount that works would be a good idea.  I've noticed that 25mg and 50mg are the doses that are commonly sold as supplements.

There is actually quite a bit of information on the connection between zinc deficiency and depression and other mood problems.

Here are a few links:
The role of zinc in neurodegenerative inflammatory pathways in depression
Zinc Enhances Antidepressant Therapy
An animal study showing zinc works as an antidepressant

That's just a sampling. If you search Google for Zinc Antidepressant, you will find a wealth of information.  However, "zinc" and "mania" and "zinc" and "mood stabilizer" don't bring up any useful results, so perhaps zinc only helps the down side of bipolar symptoms.

Sleep Disorders, Pills, and Phenibut

My husband has Cyclothymia, which is a form of Bipolar disorder.  The oddest thing about his mood disorder is that his biggest symptom is an erradic sleep schedule.

It is very hard for him to fall asleep at a regular time, despite trying all of the normal sleep advice and trying many different kinds of sleep pills.

Very few pills work consistantly for him. Unfortunately, the only one that does always work is Seroquel, but it's expensive without insurance, causes health problems (seems to lower his immune system, increase his feelings of pain, messes with his internal thermostat) plus it lasts way too long (12+ hours of grogginess!).

When he was taking Seroquel regularly, he was also taking a medicine during the day to "wake up."  This causes personality changes and more side effects and ultimately we've concluded that it is easier and safer to accept his strange sleep pattern than it is to try to induce a normal sleep pattern.

So he sleeps when his body tells him to.  Sometimes it's at night, but it is just as likely it will be during the day.  It makes for a bit of a random shedule, but we're coping. At least when he is awake, he can be his true self. And that is worth a lot to me :)

If he is also experiencing other mood symptoms or just has gone too many days without sleeping enough, then he often feels that he has to take something to sleep, and so, we've experimented with many different kinds of sleeping pills and the one that I want to talk about here is one you've probably never heard of: Phenibut.

We bought Phenibut after he was doing lots of reading and searching one night.  You can buy it online at iHerb.com and get $5 off your first order.

To my surprise, I found out that I really like how Phenibut makes me feel.  It is probably the closest thing to a benzodiazepine that is sold as a supplement.  Like benzodiazepines, it can be addictive and it should only be used for about 4 days in a row. It also becomes less effective if you use it for more than several days in a row.

What I like about it, is that gives me this wonderful feeling of calmness that extends into the next morning.  When I wake up in the morning, I feel relaxed but not groggy. I think it lifts my mood, as well.  It also makes music sound better.  Yesterday was a particularly stressful day for me (unexpected plumbing problem - ugh!) and I was feeling jittery, over stimulated, nervous, etc.  The phenibut calmed me down and helped me to fall asleep.

The chemical name of Phenibut is Beta-phenyl-gamma-aminobutyric acid.

To make Phenibut easier to remeber, we call it "FUNNY BUT"

Phenibut acts like a real drug, in that its effect is strong and it is important to take the correct dosage.  If you take too much, it can cause a bad headache.

Both the powder and the Relax All are good. The Relax All contains other ingredients that must work well together, as my husband gives it a thumbs up for anxiety.  The phenibut powder works better for just inducing sleep and is also cheaper per dose.  We've also tried phenibut capsules but found that they seemed weak.  The powder is bitter but tolerable mixed into juice.

Although Pheibut is really good, like almost all sleep pills, it does not guarantee a good nights sleep for my husband.  It will make him feel good and help him relax, but when the sleep comes on is still a nightly mystery.  Sometimes he will get sleepy in about an hour, or it might take many hours.  He is just different that way.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsome1/3422512294/

Lithium Orotate

I used to take Lithium Carbonate, which is the prescription form of lithium, commonly prescribed for Bipolar Disorder.  I took it for over a year, and then I began getting a tremor from it.  

I decided to try Lithium Orotate.  To my surprise, this has been working as well as the Lithium Carbonate.  Except I don't have the tremor side effect.  


I don't notice any side effects with Lithium Orotate.  I do notice problems if I don't take it though, so I take it regularly.  I take it as seriously as I would take a prescribed medication.  


It doesn't make me feel drugged, or less motivated, or less creative, or anything negative. It just makes me feel normal.  Oh, I still occasionally have Bipolar Disorder related mood problems, but certainly not as severe as without the lithium.  Lithium orotate is not a cure, but it comes close.  It reduces many of my symptoms of both mania and depression.


I buy the 120 mg dosage (containing 4.8mg of elemental lithium) by Advanced Research.  For awhile I was only taking 3 pills day, but I now I take 4 pills a day.  I take 2 pills in the morning and 2 in the evening.  It is hard to figure out the correct dosage. I think it has to do with individual differences and perhaps how much you weigh.  Some people only take one or two pills a day.  Best to consult your doctor.


I buy this Lithium Orotate from iherb.com  If you haven't shopped at iherb before, you can get a $5 coupon for your first order by using this referral code: LIN282 

There isn't any scientific proof that Lithium Orotate really works.  Doing some internet searching, I've actually found more links about how it doesn't work than about how it does.  However, there are many positive reviews on iherb.  

By the way, it is also sold under the brand name Serenity. 

Wikipedia does have a useful summary of it here.  It has also been used to treat alcoholism, aggression, and more.

Needing Medication

Needing medication is not a bad thing.  Taking medication is not a weakness.  Actually, knowing when you need it and continuing to take it (even when you don't want to) is actually a strength.

Of course, if the medication is not helping you, or if it is causing side effects that are not acceptable, then continnuuing to seek treatment until you find that the right solution is also a strength.

I sometimes would justify not taking medication by remembering that time in my life when I was doing well without medication. I was proud that I wasn't needing any pills.

However, comparing a time in the past with the present is not an apt comparison because people change.  My brain, my life, my illness, have all changed, and it all continues to change.

Furthermore, I may remember that time in the past as a time during which I was doing well, but my memory is biased.  I was probably having some difficulties, but because I want to remember that good pill-free time, my memory is selective.  I can compare my current achievements to what I had achieved in my life at that point, and I can see that I've made great progress, so why would I want to go back in time, to an illusionary perfect pill-free past?  It probably didn't even exist, except for in my skewed memory.