Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Torture scenes in public

Our society has lost its moral direction. This can be seen in many different ways. But here's one small thing that happened to me recently, that made me think about moral direction, right and wrong, and society as a whole.

I went into an electronics store the other day.  I won't name the store's name, but it was a chain store. They sell cell phones, radios, and TVs.  They had their TVs playing a movie.  I was looking around, and so, of course, I look at the TV.  The movie is in the middle of a torture scene, involving someone's private parts....

I look away, go somewhere else in the store, and don't look back.  I don't watch movies with scenes like that at home, and I certainly don't want to there.

What if a kid was in that store?

I can handle it, but I shouldn't have to.  Sure, I'm more sensitive than most... But it's just so disappointing that they thought it would be OK to play that movie.

It's not OK.

Maybe this example isn't about morality. Maybe it is just about insensitivity, thoughtlessness, immaturity...

But looking back over the past 50 years, and talking to people older than myself, it's clear that times were different. It wasn't always this way.  I'm not suggesting we should go back to when the word "pregnant" wasn't supposed to be said, or when two people couldn't be in the same bed on TV.... but torture scenes playing on TVs in public stores?  It seems that we need some boundaries.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Toxic Mom

I don't get along with my Mother.  She is a controlling, judgmental, narcissistic person. 

I don't know that I even love her. Yet, for some reason, I've been still wanting her approval.  I've been working on the relationship, wanting it to get better. 

Well, no more of wanting approval from her. I'm trying to get over that.

She changed our relationship yet again last week.

She doesn't like my husband, and wants me to break up with him.  I already knew this, but last week she brought up the topic in an email. Her email was manipulative, and while trying to pull on my heart-strings, she says lies about my husband.

I long ago stopped mentioning my husband's name to her at all, which of course means not telling her lots of stuff, but that's fine.  I can live with a superficial relationship.

However, I can't live with opening up emails that put me into an emotional turmoil and cause my day to be filled with anxiety. 

I don't know why her words have such a strong effect on me. They are untrue, but yet it causes my bipolar to flare. My ability to be stable me, to have good concentration, and smooth emotions, goes downhill.  My whole body gets riddled with stress.

Well, I just can't be riddled with stress all of the time.  So now I am filtering her emails, which means that I don't read them.  Do I delete them? I probably should - I deleted the last one without reading it - but I'm a bit of a wimp. 

There is a long history here. In the past she has not liked other things about me and also written me long horrific emails.  I didn't talk to her for a long time, and stupidly I promised her that I wouldn't not talk to her again. Because of course it hurt her so much, and it is supposedly my fault for everything.

I might have to reneg on my promise.. She breaks her promises all of the time. Of course that doesn't mean that I want to also break mine. But I need my sanity. 

P.S.  If I referred to my Mom in a positive light before this, it might have been in reference to my Mother-in-law. I have adopted her as my Mom because she is one of the nicest people in the world.  She says all of the kind words to me that my biological Mom doesn't say. I am thankful for her.