Thursday, March 29, 2012

Extremely Short Depressive Episodes

Recently I've been having depression that lasts for about 2 days at a time.  The depressions suck, but they do go away fast.  But I want you to know, that even though the depression goes away, while it's here, it's brutal difficult.  My brain thinks the wrong thoughts.  I spend all of my time coping.  I try to think positive thoughts. I try to stay distracted.  I try to motivate myself to do things.  I eat food and it just doesn't taste great. I don't have much appetite.  Sometimes I am anxious. Sometimes I cry a lot for no reason.

It's hard to treat a depression that is so short, because while I can take something for it, the depression goes away and I don't know if it's the medicine or whether it's going away all on its own.  Today I took aniracetam and inositol and choline.  Yesterday I took phenibut.  My husband suggested Vitamin D and B12. Maybe next time I'll try that.

I recently bought some Chlortab allergy pills (Chlorpheniramine), which I used to take for anxiety.  And it still does work for anxiety.  Probably the cheapest non-prescription anxiety pill ever.  The side effect for me is sleepiness, though.  But why I mention that is I recently found this article that states it was the root molecule for an old SSRI.  So I could even try taking that on a regular basis.

And I have St John's Wort, Tryptophan, and SAM-E in my cupboard too, so I'm well stocked.  But as I said, my depression goes away in a couple of days, so I usually don't continue the anti-depressant.  But if I want to kick these 2-day depressions maybe I should find a pill that I can take on a continual basis to prevent them.  But it's tricky to find a pill that will do that and that won't accelerate mania or cause any other unwanted side effects.

So for now I chart my 2 day depressions on my calendar, and I try to keep my spirits high.  Depression is a great muse for writing though.  And when the high hits after the depression, I appreciate it even more.  But I don't like that I'm not productive at all for those 2 days...... I don't get much work done.  But life is about more than just work, and I do think God gave me this disorder for a reason.  It does give me a lot of insight and compassion.  I care about others....

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