Back from vacation: Taking Pills on the Plane

I had a ton of pre-trip anxiety, and now that my vacation is over with, so is my anxiety.

One of the things I was really anxious about was taking my medicine through airport security.  So I decided to mail my meds to my sister so that I wouldn't have to take them through security.  Even though you are allowed to take medicine through airport security (even unmarked, such as in a pill organizer), I was still nervous that they would cause a problem for me.

So I mailed them to my sister, and I asked her to bring them to the airport when she picked me up.  That worked out fine. I was also nervous that she was going to say something to me about all of these meds I take.... I was having plenty of irrational thoughts.

Irrational thought: She would think bad of me for taking all of these meds.

I tried to replace it with the rational thought: She would be glad to see me and happy that the medicine works for me.

One thing I did not plan for was that my airplane was late and I missed my connecting flight, so I was at the airport for 5 hours.  So I didn't have my morning meds to take on time, but as soon as I did arrive, I took my lithium and I felt fine.  So, in retrospect, it may have been better to have the meds with me... but I did the best thing for my nerves.

Sunrise, as seen from airplane, during red-eye flight.

On the way home, I still had some of the meds that I mailed her, and I brought them through airport security without any problem.  They did rescan one of my bags when the X-ray machine beeped, and the TSA agent thought something was funny (I don't know what.. I didn't have anything funny in my bag!), but it was fine.  The TSA agents were actually quite nice and relaxed.

By the way, I had a terrific vacation!  My mood was good the whole time!  I got to see my family and it was so wonderful. I just wish I didn't have so much pre-trip anxiety.

Stop lithium to see if I really am still crazy

That's a crazy thought.

I'm sure anyone who's on psych meds has had it.... Maybe if I stop taking them I'll be able to handle it.. Maybe I'll have more inspiration.. Maybe I'm not sick anymore.. Do I really need them?

Today, as I was refilling my pill box, I was thinking about which pills I need the most, and that turned into my wondering what would happen if I did lower the lithium.....

But I've been there, done that.  The lithium makes my life so much easier.  So much better.  Less arguements, less turmoil, less crisis.

And so, I do stockpile my lithium, and I rarely miss a dose.  With it, my life is better.....

Bipolar Forum for Asking Questions Anonymously

Today I came across the Reddit forum for Bipolar Disorder.  I'm not currently a member of Reddit, but recently I've enjoyed browsing and was surprised to find the Bipolar subtopic.   It looks like an ideal place to get support.

By the way, if you are ever in a bad mood and need something to distract yourself for awhile, try browsing the Reddit homepage, or maybe the funny category.  It helps me stay distracted when I'm in one of those blah moods.

There's always going to be something to worry about.

On my good days, I just don't worry about it.  Who me, worry?  Nah, I don't worry.

On my bad days, I can get really worked up worrying.

Then one worry gets resolved, and there's another one lined up waiting to take its place.

A Very Little Person at the Hospital

Recently, I accompanied my mother in law to the hospital for some tests, and we were greeted but a very short person in a wheelchair.  She was about three feet long.  She was right outside the elevator, and at first I didn't realized that she was a hospital volunteer. I thought she was just a cheerful person. Then I saw her name tag which said volunteer.  She told us that she was drinking coffee and working.

I really didn't know what to say to her, but she really made my day.  She didn't say much to us other than hello but she had this super sweet smile..... I thought about how God put all kinds of people on this earth and everyone has a purpose.  I think she found hers.

I wish I knew what to say, because it was very special to me.  I was having a down day and it was just what I needed at that moment, and I bet she makes many people smile.  I'm curious as to what disorder she has and what her life is like.  She was an adult, with a big head, and glasses, I think.  But my memory is kind of fuzzy.  If you do know what disorder she might have, let me know.   When I google short person I don't get the right kind of results.  She probably has some disorder having to do with bone growth.

If I won the lottery....

I would still have depressed days.

I tell my mother-in-law that my moods don't correspond with reality.  It is something I think she finds hard to understand, but I think it's an important thing to stress.  I'm not depressed because I'm having a bad day.  For example, on one of my recent depressed days, I found out that her cat scan came back normal - no cats tumors found.  Yay!  I should have been elated with that news. And although I was relieved, it didn't make my mood happy... I was actually down... Whereas the day before, when we were waiting for results, my mood was fairly normal.  Other people were stressed, but me, no, I was doing just fine.

Extremely Short Depressive Episodes

Recently I've been having depression that lasts for about 2 days at a time.  The depressions suck, but they do go away fast.  But I want you to know, that even though the depression goes away, while it's here, it's brutal difficult.  My brain thinks the wrong thoughts.  I spend all of my time coping.  I try to think positive thoughts. I try to stay distracted.  I try to motivate myself to do things.  I eat food and it just doesn't taste great. I don't have much appetite.  Sometimes I am anxious. Sometimes I cry a lot for no reason.

It's hard to treat a depression that is so short, because while I can take something for it, the depression goes away and I don't know if it's the medicine or whether it's going away all on its own.  Today I took aniracetam and inositol and choline.  Yesterday I took phenibut.  My husband suggested Vitamin D and B12. Maybe next time I'll try that.

I recently bought some Chlortab allergy pills (Chlorpheniramine), which I used to take for anxiety.  And it still does work for anxiety.  Probably the cheapest non-prescription anxiety pill ever.  The side effect for me is sleepiness, though.  But why I mention that is I recently found this article that states it was the root molecule for an old SSRI.  So I could even try taking that on a regular basis.

And I have St John's Wort, Tryptophan, and SAM-E in my cupboard too, so I'm well stocked.  But as I said, my depression goes away in a couple of days, so I usually don't continue the anti-depressant.  But if I want to kick these 2-day depressions maybe I should find a pill that I can take on a continual basis to prevent them.  But it's tricky to find a pill that will do that and that won't accelerate mania or cause any other unwanted side effects.

So for now I chart my 2 day depressions on my calendar, and I try to keep my spirits high.  Depression is a great muse for writing though.  And when the high hits after the depression, I appreciate it even more.  But I don't like that I'm not productive at all for those 2 days...... I don't get much work done.  But life is about more than just work, and I do think God gave me this disorder for a reason.  It does give me a lot of insight and compassion.  I care about others....