... and finding who you want to be.
|Picture taken by me... interesting wing pattern.|
Because the 'supposed' to people just aren't right. God is right.
I am supposed to be ______. At one point, it was a doctor. At another point, a psychologist.
Many times it was unsaid. The actual career decision wasn't specified, but I was supposed to be someone.
Someone with a college degree and a high paying and well respected job.
I got the college degree. I don't have the high paying and respected job. Something happened while in college and I almost didn't even get the degree. That something is Bipolar Disorder.
As long as I try to guide myself by someone else's concept of success, I will fail.
But if I look at my situation in life and see it as something God gave to me, then there must be a reason for everything, even the Bipolar disorder. And I can succeed.
Some of the reasons I don't have the career actually aren't solely the fault of the disorder. It's also my independent nature. I'm driven to work for myself. My symptoms have subsided enough now that I could probably get on the right track to that high paying and well respected job... I could go into work every day and work for someone else. It's just that I don't want to.
However, I don't know if I could be a doctor, because I don't think I could get through medical school and residency without falling apart. My concentration is only good sometimes and my mood problems spike under stress. So perhaps I am not meant to be a doctor. I think I can find something else to do with my brain.
God gave me a brainy brain but also an emotional one. It's an intriguing mix that I am trying to work with. From what I've read, it's not an uncommon mix, and I think there must be a purpose for this combo.
While muddling through the bipolar mess, I had the opportunity to take a look inside of myself. I found that part of what had been driving me mad was environmental - other people's expectations, external pressures, an unclear sense of self, etc.
So in a way bipolar is a blessing because I wouldn't have discovered all that I have if the bipolar hadn't come my way. I might have been still doing something because I was supposed to be doing it....