Saturday, March 19, 2011

Trying to Stay Up

It is interesting to note that I don't feel very driven to write in this blog when I feel normal.  There's just nothing to report. I'm taking my medicine and everything is going fine.

At the same time, it's hard to motivate myself to write when I'm depressed. But at least then I have something to write about.

I've been kind of depressed for the last couple of days. Not all of the time depressed, but more blue than not.  I have to work on feeling happy, you know?

So how does one work on feeling happy?  I try to say positive things to myself, sometimes write in my journal, sometimes get out of the house, take a walk, take a drive, etc.  I try to do things I enjoy and listen to upbeat music. And those things all help. 

However, I also experiment with (legal) drugs.  I try to do something to change my brain chemistry.  To get myself up.  Drink a little extra caffeinated tea.  Take a methyl-B12.  Take some choline & inositol.  Take some aniracetam.

And those things do help.  Sometimes each drug/medicine gives me a few hours of feeling normal.  Focused.  Or just less down.  At some point I'll break out of this mood and hopefully go soaring - but just not too high.

I don't usually like to take too much of any one thing, because my goal isn't to feel strange, but rather normal.  I don't want to be manic.  I am particularly sensitive to caffeine, so I'm careful not to overdo that.  The last thing I want is to feel depressed and irritable.  I think that's called a dysphoric mood.

Now I'm going to go walk to try to get that natural high I so need.

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